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What’s the difference between a Dutchman and a coconut?
You can get a drink out of a coconut!

‘If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.’

Marcus Brigstocke

Do you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.79 and deer nuts are just under a buck.

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious….

Over the course of the evening Lees verder

Wife by text to husband at work: “Windows at home frozen – what will I do?” Husband : “Spray some de-icer, if that doesn’t work pour on hot water!” Wife a few minutes later: “Done that, now computer won’t work at all”.

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,
“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to commit a suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity he asked “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a Kiss?”

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.
Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl……”

When I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk: “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?”
To which she replied: “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard!”

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

In een cadillac showroom ergens in New York vraagt een man aan de verkoper: “how much do you want for that red cadillac?” De verkoper geeft beleefd antwoord en zegt: “10 dollars”.
Zo de koper was erg verbaasd over de lage prijs en vraagt meteen: “if I buy two cars, what is your price?” De verkoper antwoordt wederom 10 dollars. Dus de koper wil toch graag weten, hoe het kan dat die auto’s zo goedkoop zijn, waarop de verkoper zegt: ”Oh that’s easy. you see my boss upstairs is fucking my wife and me downstairs is fucking his business.”

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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